Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

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authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have complete contempt for traitorism

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I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

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I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

If you have curly hair, when should you brush it?

I actually pay taxes

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

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I understand how hurricane paths work

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I have complete contempt for fakery

Will you share your wife? Can she take both of us at the same time?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

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I know who the president of Turkey really is

I have a reading level above third grade

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

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I see through liars

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

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I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I can read

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I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

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I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I can count

How does mouth taping affect dreams?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

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I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t buy bullshit

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t